Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Growing Glowbee

My Dear Baby Girl,

You are growing like kudzu in August. People will see me carrying you and ask if you are my child. They cannot believe I gave birth to you, my Doughy Chloe. You have sucked all the fat off my bones. Seriously! The cellulite I once had on my bum has transferred to your thighs. MawMaw is shocked when I bring your pumped breast milk. She goes on and on about the layer of fat that appears when my milk defrosts. I once worried I would never fit back into my skinny jeans when I was nine months pregnant. I had to wear some black slacks the other day and they were looser than before I ever got pregnant.


Sadly, the weight loss that had occured hasn't helped my milk supply. Due to stress and lack of appetite, my weight has dropped more than I wanted. My milk is drying up. In the morning, I'm full enough to feed you a good serving but by the afternoon, I'm empty. Last night was the first time I've ever given you a bottle and you accepted it eagerly. In some way, I feel like I've failed. I loved nursing you, it was a way for us to bond. I never had any problems with sore nips or latch problems. I know you wouldn't nurse forever. I just wasn't ready for it to end so soon. This isn't about me though and I won't starve you out. It's just time for it to end and we bond in so many other ways.

You can roll and flip over without any struggle now. I can't leave you on the couch alone. You even raise you booty in the air and scoot. You like to scoot in reverse though. I make a "beep, beep, beep" noise like you are a garbage truck reversing. I put you in the walker last week. I tried it a month ago and you kept head butting the play bar. You needed a helmet. Now, you hold yourself up tall, push all the buttons so I can hear Elmo laugh over and over and over again. I guess I better get used to Elmo torture.


You have so many fans. Especially MawMaw and your Grampa's. You've got them wrapped around your tiny pinkie.


You know how to win over people already. You want people to stop and talk to you. They tell you that you are a pretty girl. I laugh and say, "work it girl!" I've heard you are as beautiful as the Gerber baby. Today, you received my favorite compliment. A lady said you had eyes like aquamarines. You do baby. Your eyes sparkle and twinkle like the most precious jewel.


Some days can be hard because I have to get all the chores done and try to occupy you. Out newest game in peek-a-boo laundry basket. I put you in the laundry basket while I fold laundry and cover you with a towel. You think this is hysterical and I kill birds with one stone. Make you happy while completing not so fun tasks.

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You did the sweetest thing tonight. I was feeling a little down about our nursing relationship coming to an end and overwhelmed about life. I was rocking you to sleep and you looked up at me while sucking your thumb. Maybe you sensed my stress. You took your thumb out of your mouth and touched my face. I looked down at you and you stuck your itty bitty thumb in my mouth. I nibbled on it and you cackled. Maybe I can't offer you my breast as much anymore but I will always lend you my entire hand when you need it. I told you, "Thank you, Chloe" after you offered me your thumb and you drifted off to sleep. I will always be thankful for you, you're my greatest blessing.


You have all my heart, always,